This week’s Tuesday Topic comes from a dad who wants help for his family.
We feel defeated by this child…
We have 4 children at home: ages, 13, 11, 9, 4 (the 4 year old is our former foster son). We home school all the children. We have had the 4 year old since he was 3 months old. He was a drug baby, but not sure what drugs, and we are pretty certain there was alcohol in the pregnancy. He spent the first 3 months of his life in Children’s Hospital as he was born with his intestines outside his body; he had surgery and seems to be fine.
Obviously we are having some problems with him; so we started reading The Connected Child. It seems that all of the suggestions from the book are time consuming, and my wife feels like she simply cannot do all of the suggested things without neglecting the others. I know the book is not assuming that families only have one child. Sure he is only 4 years old, but he runs the house. He will scream and scream when my wife tells him “no.” She tries to correct with words, but it fails. She has tried to ignore but he will escalate until she responds.
No matter what, he will escalate until mom has to respond; she can’t even do a load of laundry because when she leaves he will do whatever he can to get her attention. The way my wife sees it is, if I give him what he wants he will keep demanding. For example, after meals he sits on the toilet to hopefully go potty (it has been this way for over a year) but when he goes in (we tell him what is coming) he throws himself down and the battle is on…if she gets him to sit he does all that he can to make her come back in… if we run to him every time he does this won’t he just be reinforced and never stop?
I guess we feel defeated by this child, that he is taking us away from the others and we do not want to resent him or have the others resent us…any ideas?
Friends, I don’t usually post such long questions, but I can hear the fear and fatigue in his words, and I’m sure you can too. Not to mention, I appreciate that he is reaching out on behalf of his wife and family – that’s a good husband and father.
You all are a wealth of wisdom, will you please take a moment to share some thoughts or give a word of encouragement? Your response doesn’t have to be perfect, sometimes it’s the little ideas that come together to help someone. We all know the isolation these challenges can bring, let’s make sure this family knows they are not alone.
Thanks for being the best readers ever.
encourage one another,